My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.