I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
