Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how can u be prego again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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