Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.