I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap