I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS