i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.