I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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