PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
