I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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