There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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