i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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