I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
