Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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