your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."