Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.

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(650): So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony. http://tfl.nu/uxe7

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(806): View more from Texas

Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

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(806): Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother http://tfl.nu/jjym

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(519): View more from Ontario

turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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(519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y

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(817): View more from Texas

What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

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(817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca

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(847): View more from Illinois

Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

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(847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu

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(239): View more from Florida

I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

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(239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b

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(+61): View more from Australia

Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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(+61): Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme. http://tfl.nu/6yp3

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(845): View more from New York

Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived

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(845): Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived http://tfl.nu/83e2

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(775): View more from Nevada

She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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(775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

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(413): I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened. http://tfl.nu/qzdq

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(305): View more from Florida

Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is

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(305): Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/r7rb

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(906): View more from Michigan

I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.

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(906): I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/hho5

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(214): View more from Texas

Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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(214): Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember? http://tfl.nu/njcl

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(319): View more from Iowa

WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

(1-319): View more from Iowa

THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

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(319): WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER (1-319): THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL http://tfl.nu/179q

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