I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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