Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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