Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
