I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize