Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize