I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
