have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
