If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
