Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
