what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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