Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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