I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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