they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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