is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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