yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
