dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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