Barsexuality is the new black.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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