I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
