this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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