i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
