Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
