he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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