people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
