Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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