They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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