Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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