we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
