only you would photoshop your dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
