My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
