R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
