Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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