I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
