its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
