the condom got lost in my hair
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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