So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
