i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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