It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
