I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story