Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out