guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Houston, we have a blender
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet