And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?