I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.