I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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