Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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