careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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