it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
