i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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