They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
