I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize